I’ll Be Back

So, I’ve been at my new workout routine for two weeks. I’ve started Jamie Eason’s Live Fit 12 week program. I found it on Bodybuilding.com. It’s a beast for sure and I’ve only just finished with week two. I’m not a very fit person so this is new to me. You know, not being able to move your legs without feeling like you just sprinted up Mt. Everest. Ya, that kind of feeling.

My very significant other is no less than pure fitness awesomeness, so that’s at least some motivation to continue moving forward with the program.  I totally recall starting two weeks ago with tons of get-up-and-go. It left somewhere in the middle of my lunges and squats. I haven’t seen it. BTW squats are Gods punishment for sitting on my ass for so long. Anyways, I managed to push through the last of my exercises for the week but not without screaming in the gym like a barbarian. Glad Tim wasn’t there for that. I did, however, manage to scare my dog Luna into hiding. She hasn’t come out yet.

One of the worst things about this program is the diet. It really sucks. I stay hungry and the food choices are less than palatable for me. It nearly puts me into predator mode at which time I will eat anything in sight.

The workouts and healthy diet are giving me more energy though and that is a huge plus. My depression is taking a back seat and that is definitely a welcome change.

The workouts are changing this week. I am adding a workout on the sixth day. So, that takes out a rest day.  I think I will write more when I finish the first phase in another two weeks.

I think that I’ve provided enough Schwarzenegger references for one post. So, I will bid you farewell until the end of days….or at least until another post.  Enjoy 🙂


What’s Wrong?

        The nasty word “depression” has seeped into my brain again. I know its power. It has subjugated me many times. I also know my power. I have beaten it back into the shadows countless times. What worries me is the ease in which it takes hold. Even when things seem great, or at least ok, I have to fight this flow of unexplained tears.  My dearest Timothy asks me over and over “what’s wrong?” to which I never have a suitable answer. I don’t really know.  I have issues that I deal with daily. Some are “normal” issues that everyone has. Others are more deep rooted. I have the issues of a divorce, a special needs child, underemployment, and school….and that’s just what’s on the surface.  I have other, more private, scarier, issues. I work on them all the time. I have to. My girls need me to be functional. I have seen doctors and therapists and been through the ringer with medicines. I’ve since quit them all. They don’t help. Suicidal thoughts creep in there too. I’m not the kind that gives up easily but they infiltrate my head sometimes. They are just fleeting thoughts that I’m too strong to act on, but thoughts none the less. I wonder how much of this screwed up thinking that I have sent to my children. Will they suffer everyday like I do? I already know that one has similar issues. Have I doomed the other two?

           Since stopping meds and doctors, I have decided to try diet and exercise. Why not? I’ve tried everything else. I’m on week two and so far so good. I feel better exercising and eating healthier. I had a hard day today though I’m not sure why. Still no answers but I think I’ll stick with this life plan…it’s working. I also have started participating in a charity program called sewing4souls. I make dresses for kids in other countries. I like giving back. It’s a real pick me up. So…..hopefully, these new activities will help keep me in the light or at least give me a light saber to use on the nasty D. I’ll keep you posted 🙂